It's Here!!

Finally, it is finished!

My first full-length, Christian Life Coaching book is finished!

And I have to give all credit and glory to the Lord, my Father in Heaven who wanted this book written in the first place! Without the power of the Holy Ghost I'm sure I'd be crying in my closet somewhere!

To order this title, check out my publisher supported EStore

To order other titles by my publisher, Destination Publications check out my temporary page

"Soon" the official Destination Publications web site will be available. I'll give you the link now, so you can keep checking back.

ALL (100%) of the proceeds from Father, Brother, Lover, Friend: Finding "The One" remain with Destination Publications and the parent non-profit company Destination Christian Services, Inc. to cover our "A.I.M. 4 Kenya" Missionary project which sends personal care items, customized study booklets and purchases bibles for refugee women and teens in Nairobi, Kenya through the Angaza International Ministries and Pastor Isaac Andeche.

Currently we are trying to ship two 35lb boxes of supplies over for $200 each. If you would like to donate please see our charitable giving site: Hip2Give

Finally, the book is the primary subject matter for the "Relationship of Love" tour - coming to a city in a state near you throughout 2009 & 2010. To find a tour near you, purchase tickets, buy the book or find out about prizes and gifts check out my personal ministry site: GetLifeRightNow!

The first date is July 10, 2009 at the Sacramento Convention Center!!

Please pray for me...

Power, love & peace -

~Min. Dez

HAPPY FATHERS TODAY

© 2008 by Deidre Campbell-Jones

JUNE Theme: Fathers

Old Fathers: Ephesians 6:4
New Fathers: Luke 3:22

I don’t ordinarily do this, but today I am attempting to plagiarize someone else’s Father’s Day message.

On the radio Friday morning, while on the way to downtown Los Angeles, I was reminded that I’d forgotten to do the bible study that morning by an insightful and thought provoking Father’s Day message that I had tuned into. I happen to come in at the tail end of the message and so the truth is I do not know what the program was, or the name of that particular message, and I believe the speaker was “Pastor Jeffery” – with Jeffery being his last name.

I apologize in advance for this being the only recognition I can give him for such a powerful message. So powerful in fact, that I cannot resist sharing it. And I share it again to you all (as I did on Mother’s Day), not just to those who are Fathers, but especially to all of us who have or have had a Father.

Pastor Jeffery’s own father, apparently was a very well known and beloved Theologian – who just so happened was gruff, critical and had difficulty expressing any affection to his son. All the praise and kind words Pastor Jeffery got from his father came from his father’s students and peers who would often say, “Your father is so proud of you – he speaks highly of you and he talks about you all the time.” To which, of course, Pastor Jeffery would respond, “I wish he’d tell me that himself.”

As his father got older and Pastor Jeffery attempted to become closer to his Dad – and even, he said, to “teach him how to hug,” his Dad only made little progress in the area of praise and affection. So much so that while on his death bed, elder Jeffery told his son he loved him, and Pastor Jeffery’s first thought was, “Please God, don’t let him take it back and negate it like he has done every other time, and then die.” Pastor Jeffery was rewarded – his father never did retract or negate that statement before he died the very next morning.

From years of ministry in relation to his own experiences Pastor Jeffery has come to the conclusion that, while he knew without a doubt that his father loved him dearly, there seems to be a generational issue wherein men of his father’s age bracket and older all seem to “suffer” from the same malady in regards to their children – not just sons. He has determined in his heart and in the lives of his own children that he will (and has I might say) break the cycle.

His example, unfortunately, comes from no other male figure. His plan of action is not even born of a desire to provide what he had been missing – that is only his motivation. Pastor Jeffery’s example comes from God Himself. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Pastor Jeffery says, that fathers need to be aware that there is that possibility that they might push too hard.

Yes, the admonition is on us as children that we must honor our mothers and fathers. “Children obey they parents in the Lord.” Yes, we get it. But the admonition of Ephesians 6:4 says nothing in regard to the wrath a child might experience – it does not say, children do not become wrathful, but instead it speaks to the fathers. Careful – be careful that you do not push your children into anger and wrath. But instead, nurture and admonish them.

Many dads have the “admonishment” part down easy – somehow that comes naturally to them. And, it could very well be because of the example they had. However they come by it, all who have had the problem of provoking their children have done so because “nurturing” has been seemingly left out of the equation.

”Nurturing” is often associated with motherhood. It is rare – even today – for men to be considered nurturing. And Ephesians does not state that children should be brought up in “nurturing admonition” but instead, the word of God separates the two: the nurture AND admonition of the Lord.

And so, we have all experienced the admonition of the Lord. We have been chastised in Him, corrected and directed with a firm and reproving Godly hand. Still, many of us still equate God’s blessings as a sign of God’s approval. This statement is from me: God’s abundance of blessings in our lives is not a sign of how much He loves us, but instead they are a sign of how much we love God.

According to Pastor Jeffery, God showed the example of how to nurture a child through Luke 3:22 “And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased.” Even Jesus needed love and recognition from His Father. And it was public and it was verbal and it was accompanied by a physical touch. The Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove, upon him. The dove has long since been a symbol of love, peace and hope, and every touch we as parents give our children must be representative of love, peace and hope as well.

Pastor Jeffery made a commitment that the buck stopped with him. His decision was this: no matter how you were raised, no matter what your father was or was not capable of we are responsible for our own reactions. And, no matter how we’ve been in the past, it is never too late to start. He was given a gift upon his father’s passing. It was the kind and loving words of praise that now could last him for a lifetime. And even though he waited until he was an adult to hear them, it was still just as meaningful and necessary in his life. It is never too late to start.

And if by chance it is too late for you to receive this kind of approval from your father, be comforted as Pastor Jeffery was. You see, long before his father finally told him that he was loved, Pastor Jeffery had made peace with his dad.

Pastor Jeffery tallied up all the things he’d learned from his dad and in spite of his dad and the sum of them made up the man he had grown to be and he recognized fatherly love in that truth. Some of it was his earthly father’s love and some of it was his heavenly Father’s love that thought enough of a man to nurture him and even admonish him when his own father couldn’t.

God has our very best at heart and some of it is administered directly through our dads and some of it is given in spite of our dads, but we honor them and love them just the same. Children love your dads today. Dads, love your children today. No matter where they are, no matter what the past has been, today is never too late to love.

Power, love & peace, ya'll -
~Min. Dez

MY TWO DADS

© 2008 by Deidre Campbell-Jones

JUNE Theme: Fathers

E. Father: Matthew 5:48
H. Father: Matthew 7:11

So often though, we treat God either the way we think He will treat us, or in the way we think our earthly fathers treat us. We are reluctant to pray, and reluctant to ask for anything because we’ve already assumed the answer. If we are used to a harsh father who never freely gives us anything, we may automatically expect our Heavenly Father to react the same. If we’re used to a father who requires we work for everything, we’ll feel we have to work for our blessings from God. And if we feel undeserving of anything from our earthly father, we may not even ask of anything from our Heavenly Father.

But God’s love towards us is far beyond how our own fathers might treat us. In fact, it is more like (and actually far surpasses) the way in which we would (or think we would, or would want to) treat our own child. In fact, Matthew 5:48: “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect,” is an example of how to be the kind of parent God wants us to be – and not to be the kind of parent we think He is to us.

But for many of us, our acceptance of God or our relationship with God is based upon our relationship with our father. Again, we relate to God through the filter of how we relate to our earthly relationships. And when we are given the concept of our Father in heaven, we have no choice but to consciously or subconsciously compare that to what we know about earthly fathers in general or our own father specifically.

And it most certainly is not that God treats us in the same manner that our own fathers do that we misunderstand what he is to be to us, but instead it is because we treat God as if He will treat us the way we expect our earthly fathers to.
Some fathers try to buy their children’s love. Some children grow up thinking God is a magical genie – the end all be all and ultimate giver of heavenly blessings and material gifts. They go to God always wanting, always expecting always asking… for things. And when God doesn’t deliver, it is an instant sign that God doesn’t love them, or God doesn’t exist.

Of course, some fathers are absent, disconnected or negligent. And some children grow up to be adults who are sure there is no God. And if there is – that God is not thinking about them as an individual. They are sure they will have no prayers answered and quite possibly that God won’t even hear them. Somehow they are unworthy of forgiveness, unworthy of a relationship with a heavenly Father and unworthy or undeserving of His love.

Some fathers are only good for play time. They are practical jokers, good buddies and fair weather friends. And some children grow into adulthood and cannot take the concept of a heavenly father seriously. Come on – you must be kidding. There is no God that is going to listen to my problems, share in my grief and sorrow, wipe my tears away and care for my burdens that I cast upon Him. Instead, God is an ever present spirit – a light and ethereal being and creator of wonderful things like sunshine and puppies who is no more potent, powerful or real than a fairy in a nursery rhyme.

Some fathers are strict disciplinarians who cannot show love but only show correction and even disappointment or dissatisfaction. They rule with an iron fist and can barely crack a smile. Some children grow up to be adults who treat God as if He’s only comparing them to a heavenly list of “rights and wrongs”. They feel as if they’ll never measure up to what God expects of them. The concept of a loving, affectionate father in heaven is foreign, even impossible to conceive of, let alone accept. They feel unworthy, inept, dirty and too shameful to come to God. And unfortunately most Christians don’t help. Far too often it is easier to point out the sin of a sinner instead of just loving a person in spite of their sins and our own.
No one can come to a God whom they think is only going to condemn them to hell. And so they will not come at all – they will not ask for anything, they will not trust in a heavenly father and quite possibly out of rebellion they will not submit to a heavenly father.

And still other fathers are kind and caring, affectionate and giving – they discipline with love and love very nearly unconditionally. And some children grow up to be adults who are not afraid to go to God with their problems and they can trust a God that promises to see them through. They can take their chastisement for their growth and their unconditional love with gratitude, thanksgiving and praise.

No matter what kind of Earthly father we’ve had, this is the kind of Heavenly Father we have and should get to know. He wants us to know Him for who he really is and not who we think He is or make Him out to be – according to what is comfortable for us. God is love and therefore God’s love is perfect.

Matthew 7:11: “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

Whatever we are seeking in a Heavenly Father, God will not let us down – in fact, He will surpass our every desire. But He cannot do that so long as we assume His character, motivations and determine the quality of the gifts He gives. And the only way to keep from making those assumptions is to get to know the Father for yourself.

That means study, prayer and meditation. Studying the word of God let’s us know who God is and what kind of relationship He wants to have with us, but our relationship is not with the book or the pages therein. Our relationship must be built the same as any other Earthly relationship – through communication and time.

Most everyone who has had a good relationship with their Earthly fathers will say they did because of the quality time they spent together, the things their fathers taught them and the conversations they shared. The relationship was mutually beneficial and enjoyable. So should be our relationship with God the Father. And prayer is our only form of communicating with Him. It is the way we talk to Him.

Unfortunately, many of us do not bother to find out if He is listening. I know I didn’t. For the longest time I thought meditation was some Eastern religious practice and taboo for Christians. Joshua1:8 says, “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” In other words, we can’t just talk about what God will do for us and the promises of His word, we must meditate on the Word, and when we do, God will speak to us. That is how we build a tow-way communication with God. That is how we build a mutually beneficial and enjoyable relationship with our Heavenly Father.

As Father’s Day approaches, consider spending time to build and strengthen the relationship with your Earthly Father and your Heavenly Father too.

Note: Portions of this study were taken from my book: Father, Brother, Lover, Friend: Finding “The One” to be released June 15, 2009 (God willing!)

Wishing you all power, love & peace! (2 Timothy 1:7)
~"Min. Dez"

FAMILY MATTERS

© 2008 by Deidre Campbell-Jones

JUNE Theme: Fathers

Our Family: Matthew 12:46-50
His Family: Matthew 19:29

Last month our theme was Mothers. And I missed the last week of the month. This month our theme will be fathers. And so I think a good segue between these separate three weeks of lessons about mothers and fathers, is “family.”

Jesus had a family just like us. He was the first born amongst His siblings – brothers and sisters. He had a mother and a father who cared about him (Luke 2:48b); raised him up in the ways of the family; and had certain disciplinary expectations of him. (Luke 2:41-49). And by the time He was a teenager he too had parents who didn’t understand him! (Luke 2:50)

Jesus, just like us had to do things for his mother that he didn’t want to do (John 2:1-10); He had to work in His father’s business even though He had a different vocation (Matthew 13:55 & Mark 6:3a) and was at odds with his family from time to time (Mark 6:3b). But when push came to shove, they loved Him and supported Him none-the-less. (Acts 1:14)

Jesus understood the importance of family, but He recognized both the physical family and the spiritual family.

When Jesus was on the cross in the midst of His “passion” – the crucifixion, He took the time to acknowledge the importance of family. There He noticed the woman who had been blessed to be His earthly mother, and also His Aunt, both standing by the cross. I am sure Mary had to have been weeping and lamenting the fate of her son. There also was the disciple “whom Jesus loved” (John 19:25-27) standing by and when Jesus saw them both He told them – “woman here is your son; behold here is your mother,” And from that same hour the disciple took Mary as his own mother and cared for her.

It’s easy not to think much about Jesus’ family – but when you do, you could imagine they were close. But whether they were or not, there is that closeness of family that God wants with us through Jesus.

At one time, Jesus went up to a mountain to pray. Afterward he called to himself His many, many disciples and chose the twelve who would be His Apostles: “And Simon he surnamed Peter; And James the son of Zebedee, and John the brother of James; and he surnamed them Boanerges, which is, The sons of thunder: And Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Canaanite, And Judas Iscariot, which also betrayed him: and they went into an house.” (Mark 3:16-19)

Now when the multitudes heard He was there they pressed in on Him for healing and to hear His teaching so much that Jesus and the twelve disciples could not even eat. Soon someone told Jesus that His mother and His brothers were outside seeking to speak with Him. “And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren? And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.” Mark 3:33-35
Jesus wants us to recognize that once we are adopted as sons and daughters into the family of God, that we have a new family that we must love and care for.

The commandment to honor our mothers and fathers never comes to an end even though our relationship with them must change. We are to honor mother and father that our days may be long upon this earth – and if those days are long – then we must continue to give our parents honor through out all of those days.

But no matter how long our days become upon this Earth, once we come to Christ, we must come to him honoring Him even more than the family we’ve been commanded to give honor to. Luke 14:26 says, “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”

Let me tell you a true story – my husband and I needed to go pick up my car that was in the shop and for some reason, we couldn’t take our 4 year old son along with us. So, we asked our neighbor to watch him for about 20 minutes. Now, our neighbor John is a 50-something bachelor, divorced with two grown children and no grandchildren. He has a pool table and an arcade golf game in his rec room so we figured both he and our son would be cool for this short amount of time.

Well, from nowhere, John produced a basket of wooden building blocks and we left them facing off over the family room ottoman, getting ready to build – they were fine. My husband and I did what we had to do, came back, got our kid and it all worked out.

Weeks later John told me that once we were gone and they were quietly focused on building a tall tower, my son stopped and asked John, “who is more important, your family or God?” And John, being shocked by the question and not wanting to risk accidentally trampling on what we might be teaching him decided to give him what he called a “politically correct” answer and replied, “Well, I figure since I love God and I love my family and God gave me my family that I love them pretty much about the same.”

My son apparently was not satisfied with that answer and said, “No, who do you love more?” John stammered, now a little more uncomfortable and said, “Well, I guess I’m not sure really sure how to explain it to you.” And my son, still not satisfied, could only let John off the hook a little and answered, “But, you do know what the right answer is, don’t you?”

John said He struggled to respond because, indeed he had been wrestling with this very same question in his heart just recently and he was so amazed that God had spoken to him through our little son.

The truth is God does want us to love Him more than we love our families. He wants us to trust Him more than we trust our families. And in doing so we entrust our care and concern for our families over to Him.

There is a woman I know who looks like she is the best example on Earth as to how to love the Lord our God "with all your heart and all your soul and all your might" – Deuteronomy 6:5. For the time that I have known her, it has been obvious that she fears no thing except God. She is a shining example of the Proverbs 31 “virtuous woman,” and her husband is a strong man of God.

And this dear woman is ill. My pastor’s wife mentioned that this was the example of living for Christ that was void of being afraid to die. But the truth is that this dear woman’s heart is indeed fearful about leaving her wonderful family. She is clinging to the promises of God and her knowledge of the word with the hope of remaining on this Earth longer, for her family.
But if she would release that desire unto the Lord, ready and willing to let them go and be with the Lord, then would her days be prolonged upon this Earth.*

Abraham in his old age was promised a son – and he was promised a son who’s generations would be greater than the stars in the sky or the sand by the seas. Isaac was that son of promise. And when Isaac was a boy, God told Abraham to take his son and offer him as a sacrifice. Abraham was supposed to kill his son, the son whom he loved, before that promise was fulfilled. And though distraught, I’m sure; Abraham was willing to be obedient and faithful in doing it. The knife was raised over his son lying on the altar, and an angel of the Lord had to shout Abraham’s name twice because he was about to plunge that knife into his son.

Sometimes we have to give up family, to receive family. Job gave up all his family – wife, children and all he had including his own health – but he never cursed God. He was rewarded with a double portion of blessings and family restored to him.

Family matters – and the love we give them matters. But the love we have for God matters more. John 3:16 is such a common verse: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes on Him, should not perish but have everlasting life.”

God loved us enough to give His only begotten Son so that we could have life. It is the love that makes a difference in regards to life – the life we live now and the life we will live for eternity. And so what family are we willing to give in order to have life? It is the willingness – the loving, trusting willingness to trust God that completely, and that if we do, God will honor us with life everlasting and life more abundantly for all our generations.

Power, love & peace - ya'll!
~Min. Dez

(*) For clarification, drop note in the comments.

MOM’S SUPPORT HOSE

© 2008 Deidre Campbell-Jones
May Theme: Mothers

Nylons: Matthew 20:20
Support Hose: John 19:25

You may not be old enough to have had a mother who wore “support hose” – or maybe now that your mother is old enough, she still doesn’t. I remember my mom talking about support hose, but I don’t remember her ever wearing a pair. I can imagine though, through all I’ve put her through, she would probably wish she’d had a pair of support hose that she could have put on in order give her the support she needed just to try and support me through all the failures I’ve had in life

Society seems to place so much pressure on moms and dads in this regard. If a person does not do well, society looks to how they were raised. And if a person does do well and is highly successful, again it is looked at how they were raised and the lessons of their upbringing.

But mothers however, get a tougher rap. Thanks to “Freud” mothers are the first to be considered whenever someone suffers from mental illness. Somehow the source always starts from childhood and never from the event that got the person sitting before the psychotherapist in the first place! And yet, mothers may also get the most (and most deserving) glory as well. Whenever a pro-ball player gets in front of the camera, the first thing he says is, “Hi Mom,” even if it is Dad who has suffered with him for hours and hours helping to train that boy to get where he is. And Mother’s Day is still the biggest day of each year for card sales and restaurant reservations – even above Valentine’s Day.

Mothers have a lot riding on their shoulders and those shoulders must bear the weight of the world and the brunt of all that we as children place there. In that regard, all mothers need support hose – but not to smooth out the unsightly bulges and blips of an aging body, but instead to smooth out the anguish and the worries that come from loving, encouraging and trying to support their children.

Every good mother wants the best for her children – she just can’t help it. Matthew 20:20 describes a woman who wanted nothing but the absolute best for her sons. “Then came to Him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him.” She wanted the highest place of prestige for her boys – that one would sit on Christ’s right hand and the other would sit at His left in the reign of His Kingdom. She dared to ask of the best for her sons and was willing to bear the full brunt of the weight of support for them.

Hey, but let’s admit it – supporting James and John, the two sons of Zebedee was probably an easy and beneficial thing for a mother to do. Her boys were famous – in fact, they’d already been of good report because of their father. Zebedee was obviously a man worthy of mentioning and his sons became known as the “sons of thunder” – as Zebedee means “thunder.” And now these two boys were Disciples of Christ; the Messiah, and the King of the Jews. Surely they were at the peak of their careers and purpose in life. Their mother may not have known the risk she took in asking Jesus such a question, but her support hose were easy to wear that day. It is easy for a mother to support a child when that child is doing well in her eyes.

But not all mothers have it so good. Some mothers have children who are lazy, have not finished school, cannot get a job and won’t leave home. Some mothers have children who are troubled and troublesome. They spend time in jail, in and out of marriages and relationships and are not good and supportive parents to their own children. What kind of support hose does this mother need to wear?

John 19:25 describes the ultimate act of support to me. “Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.” Mary, Jesus’ mother stood by His cross while he was being crucified. Now remember from last week’s lesson, Jesus’ mother and his siblings did not necessarily show themselves as supportive of his ministry until after he was crucified and risen. It seems on the surface that they had been the last hold-outs, waiting for the ultimate proof that their family member – son and brother that they had known all his life – was really the one true, and only begotten son of God. Sure, I’ll believe it when he’s risen!

But in truth, Mary shows true support of her son even if she did not yet show true belief in him as The Son. You see, Jesus had been reviled, and was being crucified for the most heinous crime in Jewish law: blasphemy – worse even than murder as was proven by the fact that the Jews chose Barabas over Jesus when Pontius Pilate gave them a choice of who to release.

Mary had a son that was despised and abused; given the harshest sentence and was treated that much more harshly because of it. At the time that she stood by His cross, most all of his disciples had run into hiding for fear that they would be next. And yet there stood his mother, staring into the unrecognizably beaten face of her son, supporting him and loving him no matter what they said he’d done.

And Jesus, even in His greatest hour; the time of His purpose and the height of His passion, suffering and dying on the cross remembered and rewarded His mother for her loving and unwavering support of Him.

A mother’s genuine support can make or break the world in they eyes of a child. The sons of Zebedee hid behind their mother’s support and the other disciples were moved to indignation against them – not their mother. James and John were puffed up by their own self-importance because of their mother’s support of them. And like I said, it is easy for a mother to be supportive of her children who are doing well in her eyes.

But a mother who can support through love even when her child is at his lowest point, even when all looks lost and even when the truth of what she sees does not match what her heart knows is true – that is a mother whose support is worthy of the Lord. That is a support that will bring her glory, honor, recognition and reward.

A mother’s love is the warmth that comforts and soothes, but a mother’s support can lift the world and suffer the course even unto death. Now those are some mighty hefty support hose!

Power, love & peace -
~Min. Dez

A DAY FOR MOTHERS

© 2008 Deidre Campbell-Jones
May Theme: Mothers

Deuteronomy 5:16
2 Corinthians 1:4

Last week I began the lesson by saying, “Happy May Day,” without entirely knowing what May Day is. This week I begin by wishing you a heartfelt, “Happy Mother’s Day”. And I do so with full knowledge of what Mother’s Day is about and that’s why I’m wishing you the happy Mother’s Day whether you are a mother or not, and if you are a guy and even if your mother is no longer with us.

Deuteronomy 5:16 says: “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

It is said that this is the first commandment with promise. However, when I first began reading and learning the bible I misunderstood and thought the promise was for the parents. And when getting in trouble I would think, “Don’t make me accidentally dishonor you if you want God to let you stick around a good long time!”

Instead, we know this promise is for us. Simply by honoring our mothers and fathers we can not only add days to the length of our lives and we can be assured that things will go well for us. And so isn’t it wonderful, at least from that perspective, that in our society we have one day set up where we can specifically honor our mothers and fathers? That’s at least two days each year that you can add on to the length of your days!

And the good news is, that since that promise is given to those who would follow the commandment, there are no qualifiers placed that requires our mothers be living, worthy or even aware of that honor. Although, if your Mother’s are living and you want the second part of that promise to apply to you: that it may go well with you, I suggest you make sure your mother is aware of the honor you show her especially (if not only) on Mother’s Day!

If our mother’s have passed away I’m sure there is hardly a reminder needed in order to honor her. But mother’s day is a good day to do it. For many, the memory of a mother’s passing is painful. But even if you set aside one day a year to purge that pain and honor your mother in memory of the her and her gift of life to you and the life she lived with you (no matter who long or short), I believe it will, be well with you. The good news about honoring our mothers is that no one else necessarily needs to be aware of it either. Your honor you show for a mother who has gone on can be shared between you and God alone.

Some of us however, have had mothers that make it difficult to even alone, let alone in public. How can one honor a mother a mother that doesn’t live honorably or is not seemingly worthy to be honored? Well, as I’ve said, that honor is not specified as honor that is given on display and the first place to start honoring a dishonorable mother is right there in the bosom of forgiveness that can only come from God.

Years ago I took a young thirteen year old girl under my wing – I gave her a place to hang out, a little female advice and helped her with her homework after school. She was a gorgeous girl and as puberty set in she began to suffer the standard teenaged angst over life, but hers seemed to be magnified and more painful because of her past. This girl, Michelle, was of mixed race – black and white and she was being raised by her white and quite elderly grandparents. Once Michelle had become a teenager, they suddenly did not understand her, because of such a wide generational gap, and became extra hard on her out of fear that she would become like her mother – since their trouble had started with Michelle’s mother when she became a teenager.

Michelle’s mother had been young when she had her. She had been on drugs and was a prostitute. In fact, even Michelle at the age of thirteen knew that her father was her mother’s pimp. She also had known that the pimp had repeatedly beat her mother, trying to make her miscarry (Michelle), upon learning about the pregnancy.

By the time I met Michelle, her mother had already passed away from a drug overdose and in her curiosity about God, she could not reconcile why He would have given her such a horrible woman for a mother. And why even after her death she still had to live a “horrible” life simply because she’d been born. She, in fact, had frequently lamented to me that she wished the pimp had succeeded the night he’d beat up her mother trying to get rid of her.

Here is what I told Michelle: God doesn’t make mistakes, people do. And no matter what mistakes a person makes, it is only God that creates life. Michelle’s pimp of a father and whore of a mother did not create the life that became that thirteen year old Michelle. The made the mistakes in their lives that, while the enemy meant it for evil, He meant it for good.

The proof is that her pimp of a father did not succeed in aborting Michelle. God had intended for her to survive, to be a survivor and to know the life He had given her. And that God thought enough about her and loved her enough to give her a life at all and that; of course through Him and not through her parents or grandparents she could have that life and have it more abundantly.

So what’s my point? Sometimes the lessons we learn are specifically good and are directly what we should do. Sometimes the lessons in life are specifically bad experiences and are given indirectly as an expressed example of what NOT to do. When Michelle turned 16 she became pregnant and had a little boy. You might think that Michelle was following in her mother’s footsteps, but in fact, just the opposite. Yes, she had low on self esteem and looking for love and attention in all the wrong places. But once her son was born, Michelle was determined to be the best mother she could be. She got her GED and became a health technician right away. And she made sure the baby’s young father helped her by keeping their son while she was in school. Buy the time she was 18 years old; she was living in and paying for her own apartment for her and her son.

We can learn how to be a good parent from good parents and we can also learn to be good parents from bad parents. The lessons may be more painful, but once learned can have a double blessing. You see, God doesn’t teach us lessons we have no need to learn. We are told to comfort others with the same comfort we have been comforted with. 2 Corinthians 1:4: “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

I know that Michelle has turned into a good example for her son and for others. I also hope there is one dream she never gave up on. She had dreams of being a country and western singer! And often she would put the pain of her life into the lyrics of a song. If Michelle continued with the gift God gave her, then she will have been a comfort and an example for all kinds of girls in similar circumstances.

God knit us together in our mother’s wombs and it is no accident the things we love, the things we’re good at and the destiny we’re meant to live. Good or bad we can count it all for joy. Praise God our mother’s wombs nurtured us for 9 months while God fashioned us just exactly the way He intended.

Praise God that we have sustained or survived life with our mother’s because all things work for the greater good for they that love the Lord. There are simple reasons and complicated reasons, but ever reason is a good one to honor our mothers on this mother’s day. Honor them that God thought enough of us to give us the mothers we’ve had, for however long we’ve had them, so that we could learn the lessons we have learned and so that we can comfort others in the same manner in which we have been comforted.

On this day, I honor not only my own mother, but your mothers too – because without them, I would not have the honor of knowing each of you. In honor of your mother, I wish you a very happy and blessed Mother’s Day!

Power, love & peace
~Min. Dez

MAY FLOWERS

© 2008 Deidre Campbell-Jones
May Theme: Mothers

1st Mothers: Titus 2:4
2n Mothers: 1 Corinthians 13

It is May! Happy May Day! I do not know what “May Day” is, but it’s good to have a reason to wish you a happy day. The month of May however does not make me think of May Day, nor is my first thought about Mother’s Day. No, when spring is ushered in by the first day of May, my first thought is the little rhyme: “April showers bring May flowers.” And something about saying the words “may flowers” makes me think not of the birds and the beauty of God’s colorful splendor – but crazy enough, I think of the Mayflower – you know, one of the first ships Columbus sailed across the ocean blue to “discover” America…

Well even more odd is that, this morning, knowing I was going to begin a study on Mothers I still went through my little rhyme with thoughts that led to the Mayflower, and then those thoughts led me to the thought of it being one of the first ships to America and somehow I thought of first mothers and second mothers. Titus 2:1-4 says, “But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,”

No mother wants to be called “aged” especially not around mother’s day! So, 1st Mothers – you all have a big responsibility in teaching us 2nd Mothers and I know it’s huge because technically, in this day and age, I too am a 1st Mother when it comes to all the younger women I meet who have children my son’s age. You see, I am in a very unique position of being more of a “Middle Mother”. I am new enough into motherhood to still need to be taught, and I am mature enough in age that I have a responsibility to teach.

But the most significant thing about these verses in Titus is what we are mandated to teach!

The men are told to teach the younger ones to be sober, grave, temperate, in sound faith, charity and patience. Then it seams the women get a much harsher list that includes holiness, drunkedness, lying, loving our husbands and loving our kids. First let me say, that we are told “likewise” – meaning not only, but also. First Mothers are also supposed to teach Second Mothers how to be sober, grave, temperate, sound in our faith, in charity and in patience. And let me tell you, it is important that we do so! I am 43 and have found myself teaching to, ministering to and even being frustrated by the need in other women to be taught this information! The unfortunate part is that the women I’ve had the opportunity to speak to, and the women I’ve really, really wanted to speak to, were not all necessarily women who were younger than me! Why is that? It is because their First Mothers no longer have this as their own personal doctrine. They were not taught and so they cannot teach.

It has been disturbing to me to feel compelled to give a word to women older than I am or with children much older than mine about their standards for raising their children, their behavior and examples as women of God and even how they love their husbands. I can only surmise that this is because I have had a far better example than they have had. Thanks, Mom!

So let’s start with being sober – men, listen up, these first all are for you too. Not only have you been given (and given first, I might add) the mandate to also be all these things, but whereas the woman must be taught to love her husband and love her children; they are your children too and you are or might be that husband.

Serious, solemn, or sedate; not bright, garish or flashy; quiet or plain, exaggerated or distorted as in “the sober truth.” This is also characterized by sanity, being sensible or reasonable, having self-control and emotional balance. These are the definitions of “sober”. Let’s also consider “grave” at the same time, because I assumed they were same, however they are indeed only similar: important, weighty, not light or trifling or trivial in consequence; grievous and seriously contrary to what is right; evil enough to cause spiritual death.

To be temperate is to be mindful of ones temper; moderate and not self-indulgent; moderate in actions and speech; self-restrained or restrained. And then of course we are told to be sound in our faith, in charity and in patience. Faith, charity and patience we think we know – but as a reminder: Faith is not "belief" it is the ACTION based upon our belief; Charity is not just love it is the ACTION of giving out of love and Patience is not just tolerance it is the ACTION that results from tolerance. Think of this way – you can’t just act patiently, you have to BE patient. Now then, can any of us actually remember having been taught patience? If so, we are taught by example.

So then, think for a moment of the examples of faith, charity and patience your mother showed you. Add also to that list her examples of gravity and sobriety as I have described them above. Most of our mothers have passed on these examples of instruction affectively.

But now as I write this lesson, I realize there is a gap somewhere. Suddenly I can remember so many times I may have kept a younger woman from jumping all over a waitress prematurely, or gently corrected a woman about her views on race and ethnicity, and especially all the casual conversations that turned into me teaching a one-on-one mini-sermon about God’s word on faith! Not all mothers were able to teach these principles to their daughters and not all fathers were able to show these examples to their sons.

Most frustrating to me have been the times where I have been compelled to instruct a mother on how to raise her child – younger, same age or even older than mine! What seems like common sense to me has not even been thought of by so many women. The things I would never expose my child to are common place and even encouraged as “cute” in other homes. And the very things I’m trying to discipline my child for, his peers are not only getting away with but are being allowed to set the standard. I want to take those parents and shake them, lecture them, spank them and give them a big time out – 1 minute for every year of their age!

But that’s only my frustration about raising children. Then there is the mandate about loving our husbands. Granted I am in my second marriage, so obviously things were terribly wrong with the first, but still – it seems things that were common sense not to do even in that first marriage are common place in everyone else’s marriages.

Here is what is missing: love. I was blown away when I really paid attention to Titus 2:4. Younger women are meant to learn how to love their husbands and learn how to love their children. Learning how to love a husband makes perfect sense – especially if you have to learn to love a husband who is unlovable and doesn’t even love himself or others. I happen to think it is far easier to love a husband who is doing right and treating you right, but apparently that is not the case for most people. The only reason I can see must come from Titus – because women have not been taught how to love a husband.

But do we really need to be taught how to love our children? Don’t mothers automatically love and know how to love their children? How can we really when we aren't really taught just exactly what love is in the first place?

In February I did a bible study on love that covered more than just the standard list in 1 Corinthians 13. It covered the 7 principles of God – our God who is love. Those aspects of God are the aspects of love: faith; trust; giving; forgiving; truth; goodness and fruitfulness. If we have been loved with faith in who we are and that God created us to be who we are; and loved with trust and forgiveness; if we were loved by good and giving parents, and if that love bore the fruit of more love in our lives, then indeed – we were taught a loving and Godly example of how to love our own children. It is this example that we must continue to live whether we are a 1st Mother, 2nd Mother, Middle Mother; no mother at all, or even a father…

And so in this month that leads up to Mother’s Day, let’s begin to honor our mothers by honoring them for the examples of love they did provide. Sure, it may not always have been all aspects at all times – and of course, we as children probably instigated that! But God gave us our mothers for that purpose – no matter how long or how short we may have had them.

In honor of the true love they have shown us, let’s make the effort to be that love for others as well.

Power, love & peace -
~Min. Dez